A Tribute To Mum

They gave me a "gate pass" from hospital today so I could attend Mum's funeral. I delivered the following eulogy.

On behalf of Lynne & Grahame, I would like to start by thanking you all for coming today, so that collectively we can celebrate the life of this remarkable woman, our Mum.

Lynne, Grahame and I would also like to thank some people for their help towards the last years of Mums life - Robyn & Graham - Mums Neighbours who were always willing to help out, Rex and Val provided much support before and particularly since Dad's death, and Barry, Sandra & Adam who cared so lovingly for Mum in their own home when it became clear she could no longer live alone.

You may not know this, but Mum was actually born a city slicker! Life started out for Mum in around the Kensington & Canterbury areas - before moving with her Mum & Dad at age 5 to Heath Road at Leppington - an area vastly different then to the Leppington you see today - but a Leppington that would shape the very fundamental core of what and who Mum would become.

Part of this shaping was the life-long relationships that she formed. From her precious "Leppington Girls" from Raby Public School to all the others she met along the way. The circle just grew and grew and when she met Dad that brought in the Cobbity and Camden crowd as well. 

It was also an environment without running water, electricity, shopping malls, or for that matter even a corner shop - where needing to go with your Mum & Sister to the clinic in Liverpool meant hooking up the horse and sulky. This environment prepared Mum for dealing with life in a way that many of us here today could never hope to understand.

In short, it was a world where you just had to get on with things.

One example of how Mum herself learned to get on with things, was that from the time she was 12, she rode her push bike three and a half kilometers to the bus stop. From there she got on the bus and took a 45 minute trip to the nearest train station. She then caught an old red-rattler for 40 minutes and then after a walk, she would finally arrive at her destination, the nearest high school to where she lived, Homebush Girls High School. In the depths of winter it would  have been dark when she left in the morning and it would have been dark when she got home. Remember this was from when she was just 12!

If that wasn't tough enough, she then had to do an even longer trip, when she landed her dream job at the Sydney Conservatorium of Music near the Sydney Botanical Gardens, as secretary to Sir Eugene Goosens. It was during this time that Mum formed her lifelong passion for music - stories of the Con were very much a part of growing up around Mum and I well remember her proudly showing me one of her most treasured possessions - a telegram of congratulations from Sir Eugene on the birth of her new daughter Lynne.

The Con wasn't Mum's only job with people who went on to become household names - indeed Mums very first job after leaving school was to work directly for Albert Teagle, the founder of Teagles Turkeys.

Many of you here today heard me speak some four and a half years ago about Mum & Dads life together - about their various moves to Aberdeen to run a farm, to Camden to run a dairy, and to then take a real punt and along with Mums brother Barry, start up their own transport business.

Through all of these moves and changes in direction, Mum just got on with things. In the business, Mums main job was as Bookkeeper - it might have been at home, but she was still very much a working Mum. The only way to fit it all in was to start at 4:00AM and using a manual adding machine and a clunky old Corona typewriter she would do the accounts and invoicing on the kitchen table. While other kids were planning to buy their Mums some perfume or flowers for Mothers Day - we conspired to get our Mum a new-fangled (but far more importantly - silent) Sharp Elsi Mate electronic calculator - so at last, we at least, could finally get a sleep in!

Mum loved it - as indeed she loved it whenever any piece of new technology came along - from cassette players to CD's, from VHS to DVD's, to microwave ovens, computers, the Internet and email - you see to Mum, they were all tools to be embraced that enabled her to get on with things.

When Dad died in 2006, we all wondered how Mum would cope - after all - they had been soul mates for well over half a century. Everyone here knows just how special their relationship was. How did Mum cope? Well she got on with things - from 75 years of age plus, she drove the old manual gear shift Ford Telstar that was also without power steering and joined not one, but two Senior Citizens clubs, she drove herself out to Austral to play Bingo every week. Took herself out to the shops and went on whatever trips through the Senior Citz clubs were available. She also embraced computer games and email on the laptop she bought. 

Of course she was desperately lonely and missing Dad, but she just made the most out of what was now her new reality.

In January last year Mum had a small stroke and it became clear that she would no longer be able to drive and her capacity to look after herself at home was also diminished. As her kids, we again wondered how she was going to cope? Without complaint, she got on with things and she started to get linked into community transport and the other aged care support available to her and carried on with as much of her old life as she could, gracefully surrendering the things she had to let go.

Due to another hospitalization last September, Mum could no longer live at home alone and her only way to get on with things now was to move in with Barry, Sandra & Adam until another option could be arranged - the need for supplemented oxygen at least 18 hours a day was no problem, Mum just got on with it by purchasing the latest portable machine, which meant she wouldn't be reliant on bottled oxygen and could retain some of her mobility and independence.

In December Mum had a catastrophic incident whilst in Liverpool Hospital where she literally died - the wonderful medical staff there brought her back and we were all blessed to get her for yet another few months. When Mum came out of the hospital this time she moved into Aminya Retirement Village at Baulkham Hills - yet another new reality that she just accepted and got on with. 

Though life was now very different, Mum remained very much in control - she had us arrange the sale of the house she had lived in for 48 years, in the process abandoning almost all of her earthly possessions - she did this with a dignity and self possession that had to be witnessed to be believed. I know she also took this time to heal some old wounds and to make sure she made all of her final wishes known. Once again there were no complaints and certainly no regrets.

During this time she made the most of every minute. Any offer for an outing - no matter what it was, was willingly accepted. No phone call could be too short or too long. If there was an activity to do, she was in it. Without ever feeling sorry for herself, if there was a way to really live just one more bit of life - she would be in it!

Accepting the situations that life threw at her and adapting what was needed to overcome them, would never have been a conscious motto of Mum's - but I think you will agree with me that it serves as a fitting epitaph.

Thanks for the lessons Mum and thanks for the love.